Salute Foster Parents July 4

Today I work as a child welfare professional, but it seems like yesterday I was in foster care.  I suspect that much of what I experienced during the seven years I was in foster care sounds familiar.  I had to repeat a grade in school because when I was placed I hadn’t finished my final exams and was moved to a different school, I only attended court three or four times during my foster care career, and as a youth in foster care I didn’t fully understand my options to have a permanent family.

However, I did have one extraordinary experience while in foster care that I still haven’t fully wrapped my head around.  I had two amazing foster parents that demonstrated their love for me in a way that will impact me for the rest of my life.  They are the sort of family that I now work to recruit or engage through Family Finding for the children I serve.  

Ideally foster parents treat foster children like their own children but rarely is such a commitment tested to its limits.  When I was 16 my foster parents loved me through the most difficult time in my life, and theirs.  I was the driver in a fatal car accident that took the life of their daughter, a passenger in the car.  Not even for a second did they make me feel responsible for her death – they never once asked me to pack my bags.  No, they patiently loved me and helped me heal from the feelings of guilt and they stand by me today.  This still amazes me.

Perhaps my greatest regret related to foster care was that I turned down adoption.  My fear was that I would lose contact with my birth mother who I was fiercely loyal to.  My mother and I have been through a lot together… drugs took their toll at one point in her life.  I lived with her during some of her rehab, but her term in prison forced our separation.  Now working as a permanency professional, I reflect back and realize that I could have been adopted or entered legal guardianship and still maintained my relationship with my mother.  Fortunately we have some new tools like voluntary post adoption contact that will help children and youth see past any limitations they feel towards permanency.

We can all feel proud that our country includes amazing people like my foster parents. The challenge for our child welfare system is to improve the way we connect children in foster care with these heroes.  I’ve accepted that challenge.    

Amanda Olson, Diakon Adoption and Foster Care